who. am. i... to kid?

i had a girl talk just now right after work. shida is officially my doctor psychic. LOL! she was telling me on how im actually feeling towards my rs status.
this is what she said,
im scared (which i doubt so at first) im afraid of putting hopes on the relationship. bcus i dont want to get hurt. im afraid to risk it when im alrdy doing it half way through. so im confused. i dont want to do anything or pursue my love bcus its going to make this feeling worse.

I WAS LIKE OH MY GOD!
she completely read my soul. haha :D
im still a confused child. i have friends telling me he's not the one. i have people telling me to let it go. and honestly at this moment, no one is giving me any encouragement or motivation to drive this through.
my head wants to end this but my heart tells me to stay on. so how? EXPLAIN YOURSELF! please try to understand. my brain is fckin drained from thinking of all the right things to do. and when i just decide to let things go with the flow, people are telling me to react fast before i get cheated etc.

love is being really mean to me. all i wanted was commitment and devotion when all i get is NOT THING. this simply explains everything doesnt it? i understand that he's far away from me so i have to understand his situation. but what if its all an excuse?
i mean, he lies to his mom. so that means he can lie to me too. and that is equivalent to me getting fraud by him unknowingly. being used. yeah.. thats definitely a better word. DAMN IT! IM BEING USED BY A SCUMBAG!.. wait. am i really? -.-
you know what? i really do trust him with all my heart. and no words can pull me from not being able to trust him. but when shida tells me things, i tend to give it a second thought. then i realize, maybe whatever she mentioned to me is true...? who knows? ..right?

enough contemplating lah yanney! what the hell am i supposed to do now? seriously!
God, give me directions. i need your guidance :(