i have to hold myself now. i cant just jump along with my feelings. i need some restrictions/ boundaries to put a halt onto my crazy ideas in order to avoid any unwanted comebacks.
suddenly it feels solitude. im not enjoying this one bit and i meant what i say. i'll admit it feels serenity at times but MOST of the time, it aches. i just had some emotional moments few minutes ago. i couldnt help tears from rolling down on my cheeks. my heart dropped as soon as i tried to convince myself that i really do miss Ega. i desperately, insanely, out of my headly miss him. i miss the sweet accent in his voice and i miss the way he would try not to laugh at my stupid jokes when he knows its amusing enough to.
its a decision i made that was difficult and very contemplative. i took months into consideration and finally came to a proposal to cut all ties off. well, not all ties but just to degrade ourself into a step lower in the term called, friends.
knowing im always comfortable telling him whats going on with my life and problems that i encounter, i never thought i would continue this comfort even after the break up.
strange isnt it? i feel as if he is the one and only person i am attached to. i've grown inside with. its so crazy that i just want him with me this very moment. i dont know if the decisions i made is right or wrong but i have to say it was the wisest.
but who knows.
if one day i were to spot him across the streets, i might hug him. its something we would probably do. but it might get abit awkward then bcus we're not really a couple anymore. i would honestly take him back into my arms if he is willing to give me extra attention that i need.
bcus deep inside, i know there are traces of his love running through my veins. something i would always deny having. something i thought that has already vanished when the fact that it was always there, hanging onto my valves.
thats when i realize, i need him more than anyone else i've ever been with.

let us let destiny judge and settle everything on its own. if we are fated to be together, then im sure God will let the path flow on its own. he always knows whats best for us.
im gonna go.
nights.