though i know i am not that kind of girl who would toss the matter off in a day or two, i still pursued the wrong. no, im not saying i regretted what happened but all im saying is, it should be something more. unfortunately its not so i have to say its kinda sad that i tried too hard in hoping of some return.

i finally realize its not going to happen no matter what. and hey, i should know where i stand.

im nothing compared to the other. im just a simple human who happens to be completely naive about her world. dont blame me for being vulnerable on the inside.

these days full of thoughts and negotiation with my brain is exhausting my mind out. i need some mirth to pull this ache from my cerebrum before i take a pill and just end it there.

should i continue being what i am right now or try to adjust myself just as i was before?

everything has changed and it never seem right. sometimes i dont know who to turn to and end up pouring with a stranger. it sounds pathetic i know and im ashamed of the state im in now.

i've not only disappoint the people around me but i just let myself down. the agony of watching myself through the mirror everyday is creating an urge for me to punch that puffy cheekbone. the more i pursue my happiness, the more pain i get. so whats the whole point of committing in what i want?

im yearning for joy. real laughter. spare me a joke someone.