i am on the verge of killing myself everyday. i never look forward for tomorrow and every night i would wish i'd die in my sleep. how could i be any more thankful to god. seriously.

have i turned to a pessimist? anyho, so sorry i havnt been updating for ages. i am seriously busy having so much fun with my life (tho sometimes i tend to not appreciate what i have and keep on asking for more) i still think life has been fair to me.

whatever things that happened (things im unhappy about), lets just call it karma. i deserve it and i've gotta learn to accept things the way it is. STOP COMPLAINING. yes, thats what i should really do.

the next think i know, 2011 is here! wtf? the beginning of 2010 feels like yesterday. time passes like me sipping on a cup of coffee (no link, i know)

i am officially a lazy bumm. i havnt been doing much of school work and its kind of worrying for my thoughts. i mean, what could the consequences possibly be right? -FAIL.

no, thats the last thing on my mind. i can never afford to fail. its something that i really have to avoid and keep avoiding. i need to at least smell a fresh 'A' in my grades. i dont have to touch it, but just smell it. LOL!

my mom's bday falls on the 8th of dec which is tomorrow. and guess what? im broke (whats new?) and i need to think of ways to please her tmr. apart from that, i have a major lab test to sit. i am not that excited, plus, im pretty tired for the day.

men.

i havnt been contacting anybody lately. last person i contacted was Nizam and that was it. i couldnt feel any spark between us tho i tried so hard to create that chemistry however i know chemistry cant be created by humans. it just happens.

i cant develop any feelings towards anybody neither do i want to. and i dont know if i still have feelings for Ega bcus im trying to protect myself from getting hurt by anybody and that means boycotting every emotions that might just develop by accident.

i cant handle love. love cant handle me.

avoid is the solution :)

i dont know if im happy but im contented for now. all i want is money. i think everything has turned sour for me thus resulting me thinking logically instead of emotionally.

which is both good and bad. but who knows whats good and bad? NO ONE. yep. so (i know i say this alot but i really mean what i said) GO WITH THE FLOW.

yes. thats what i have been doing and i will keep it going.

night.