you know everytime i go to his page, my eyes kept on staring at it as my hands slowly move the cursor, navigating his pictures, looking at it over and over again for a couple of times and asking myself, WHY DID GOD MADE HIM GORGEOUS? then i wished he was madly in love with me.

like, he's so all american. no, im not talking about Eric. its Chris!

for christ's sake. i have slept with him and god knows why i kept on emphasizing that i left no regrets WHEN I DID.

i mean, i figured this whole bullshit out. i think i did regret bcus it hurts me to see myself being used by someone just as an excuse given as "wanting to gain experience" i mean, thats total denial and i dont see why i shouldnt be mad at myself. i took an oath to do something stupid and there you go miss stupid yaney! you get what you deserve! AGONY!

i just missed that crazy feeling that you get called affection. i knew feelings would get involved before doing unimaginable things but i still went for it cause i tend to avoid these emotions that i personally thought might be over dramatic so i believed that time will heal all wounds. thus avoidance is the way to everything. but reminiscing all of it, ITS A WHOLE LOT OF SHIT! trust me.

i am sick of this really.

i mean, who do i deserve to be with when i treat everybody in a very mean way? no, i am not dating anyone at the moment. i am not willing to be in a relationship now and i think single is good bcus whatever you have, its all yours. you dont have to share or compromise. you know what i mean? its all for you! heh.

oh darn my boobs are shrinking. fuck!

and its close to 3am now. i am just full of envy.

night guys.