when all you do is sit around anticipate for a miracle to happen?

its hurting me!

to even have the tendecy thinking im cheating on you with someone else? when its pretty obvious that the topic shouldnt even be discussed at this point of time? when you know how much you matter to me! when you know that i would even turn my back against my family members just to protect you from all the deceit and cold remarks? i would defend you no matter how much people hate you. no matter how those people i love despise you! no matter how much this muthafugging piece of judgemental country we're living in, i would even be there by your side, ready to pull the trigger towards anyone who tries to manipulate or make things even tougher for us!

cant you see how much i love you baby?

when all i think about at the end of the day is if you're okay? i tried not to care. the more i try, the harder it is. to think about not caring about you is just absurdly ridiculous! how can i even try not to think about you for a single second?? everytime when im with my friends, i'd prolly wouldnt even notice the worried look that's printed on me twentyfourseven without fail. cause you know it bugs me the whole second, thinking if everything is really doing alright on your side cause i know you'd lie to make me worry less. deep down i know nothing is really going well.

every morning i try to hold my tears back and insert some positive thoughts so as to keep on going strong and carry the day out well. it aint that easy.

and every night i try not to think about it, try not to let the tears roll too much as i wouldnt be able to sleep, just afraid of tomorrow. always afraid of tomorrow.

what is this feeling? its really driving me insane!

my palptations are not running smoothly. everytime i feel like dying i just know that i have to be extra patient at this point of time cause my instincts tells me it will be over really soon. i just need to wait. but d'you think time is giving me mercy by adding so much crazy emotions inside?

i know i can never ask anyone else for help. not a single soul. not even my friends or families. im keeping it inside. keeping this between us. only god knows. so i believe he will help you, us. i just know. i gotta be strong and optimistic. i need this. i need Him to give you strength. i need Him to lead you the right way cause i love you so much!

bismillah.

night.