i feel like a complete scum. i wish i have some super powers to erase a human's memory manually. I hate this feeling. I hate myself for landing in this state. I always say its okay when i know its not. NO! it never was and never will be! i am a misfit. a complete failure.

optimism is me, and so is realist. I look for solutions not compensation. i dont believe that humans are forgiving cause somehow there will be some grudge linger around that line.
all i wanna do is to run by the road and get hit by a car, dead.

If things doesnt go my way, i tend to say its okay but its not. it burns inside and im screaming my lungs out through a chamber of silence. irony does a trick and im always finding myself doing the same routine overtime.

I will run away though i know i cant hide. I will run till the end. i will keep on running till i couldnt feel my legs, till it breaks. i will force myself to be in the pace for the sake of keeping my relationship. i will do what it takes.
Even pulling the trigger to myself, for him, i will.

i will be what you never wanted me to be.